Moot Point
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "anderbug" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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01:46 pm
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I'm not here
But I am back to blogging.I've started a new blog called Moot Point Tango</b>. I'll have an RSS feed and Google Analytics set up soon, but in the meantime, stop by and say hi!
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10:34 pm
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Long time, no...well, you get the idea.
Foof! Been a long time with no update!
I'm finding it difficult to maintain more than 5 pages...so LJ has kind of fallen off.
But this summer has brought much good news, so I figured I ought to do an update:
First, I got engaged! Ross and I went on vacation in northern new mexico, near the Philmont ranch where Ross spent several happy summers. We bush-wacked our way up a mountain, got lost, and startled an entire herd of elk. And then--in the view of 4 different states--he proposed to me and I said yes. He managed to take me totally off-guard, and I'm happier than I could ever imagine being.
Second...and kind of anticlimactic after the last one...I got accepted to an art fair in Chicago! I'm showing my photographs<\a> at the Lincoln Park Art Faire (yes, they spell it wrong).
If you want to keep up with what I'm up to, might I recommend the following fine offerings:
photos
movie reviews
research wiki
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09:34 am
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And then...wackiness ensued.
I am currently in Santa Fe, at a month-long summer workshop. So with no further ado, I present....
Some photos from Santa Fe, including (near the end) a nighttime hike up the local mountain. Tune in for wacky hi-jinx!
Also, here's a copy of my other paper, on Group Formation
Note that it is on my snazzy research wiki. Snazzy!
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02:20 am
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On Dirk...one of my best friends
Cross posted from plans. I haven't been around for a while. I'll just have to jump back in...
There are many different shades of blue in the world, but not all of them are worthwhile.
There is an old joke in Santa Fe--I live on Canyon road, in a house with a blue door.
The joke is, everybody has a blue door.
Some are just barely blue anymore--it's been years since they were painted, and they've faded towards grey.
Some are a lurid shade of electric blue. These are usually the houses with a wooden ladder leading to nowhere.
My friend dirk lives in a house with a door the color of the sky after a rain. It is definitely a shade worthy of the name blue.
I've been friends with Dirk since I was 12. He is now 76. He used to talk to me about his numbers. Now he talks to me about his old love affairs.
Dirk is an artist. He lives in Santa Fe 8 days out of every month on average. We went to an art gallery opening, where we hung out with people who thought nothing of plunking down 32K for a eye-popping piece of crap by the newest Big Thing. All of the women tried to look pleasantly eccentric, and all of the men tried to look rugged. Dirk wore his baggy grey pants, and I wore my Chaco sandles.
On the way back, we stopped to look at a bronze sculpture he likes, and we saw a coyote, loping through the landscape. He moved as if he knew exactly where he was going. Of course, this is his home, so he probably did.
When we got back, he let me poke through his entire house. His office reminds me of his artwork--full of things collected over a lifetime. The art on his walls is mostly good. Some of it is surprisingly bad--pictures of cute cats and a teapot in the shape of a crab. But he has never cared whether people thought he had taste. In his case, that helps.
We talked about everything we haven't gotten to talk about in the past year, including why we haven't talked in the past year. He told me that no matter how hard I tried, I could never ever do anything wrong. I cried in a way that made me feel better, not worse.
As he often does, he gave me a few pieces of his artwork. This time, it is two stunning pieces 2-1/2 feet square. They are just slightly blue. They are the color of the door on the neighboring house...the house that used to be owned by a lover of his, who he was eventually married to for less than two years. This was before the woman in Minnesota who stole his heart, and after the nun, whose heart he stole.
Current Mood:  thoughtful
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04:47 pm
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more photos, for lack of a better update
In case you're not already sick of this:
My mom, looking like a hippy
My dad, looking like a badass
Speaking of sick...I'm sick. Yaaaaayyyy.....
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02:49 pm
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Photo time!
here are new photos on my Flickr account. I broke down and subscriped, so now I have no upload limit. There are some from very nice ones from Oregon (if I do say so myself), some old ones of my family, and some climbing shots.
To see all of the oregon shots in a row, click here
On the family side: My grandma and grandpa in the Pacific
I'll let you find me in a silly park ranger hat all by yourself.
Current Mood:  procrastinating
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11:42 am
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My dad is ok. That's what I'm thankful for this year.
I have quite a lot going on at the moment, so I offer the following boring update that will hopefully get my head on straight, organized by category of my life (funeral garbage is at the end, so you don't have to read it if you don't want):
Thanksgiving
This was great. I had a good time with my folks, I got to cook a big meal in my kitchen, and my parent's and MM's parents met and got along just fine. I also had a great time hanging out with MM's parents, who were in town a few days longer than mine.
On Sunday, I went to MM's cousin's baby shower--or rather, his mom, sister and I went to the shower, while the guys went to the "diaper party". The women were in one room and the guys in another. MM refused to come into the women's room (there were games being played, and that was *way* scary), but he got over it when promised cake. MM's sister passed out plates for cake, and MM got one with a baby foot sticker on the bottom. When someone said "You won!" he shoved the plate into my hands and disappeared like a shot into the kitchen (you wouldn't think a man his size could disappear, but he did). He didn't even know what he'd won, but he wanted no part of it. Later, he said he thought that it was like catching the bouquet, and it meant that he was going to be the next one pregnant--or me, which would be almost as bad.
School
I'm way way behind. Of course, that's really nothing new.
Work
I'm way way behind. This is less acceptable. I'm on the track of something exciting, but I haven't been able to work on it with all of the intervening garbage. I'll post on it when it makes more sense.
Finances
A mess. But I'm hoping that by being careful next semester, I can get back in the black. My mother assures me that it is just part of the first year of owning a house.
Health
I've been trying some posture/ergonomic solutions to my pain. That, and slamming down 1800 mg of Ibuprofen every day. It's strange because the knots are still there--they just don't hurt as much. You take what you can get, I suppose.
Funeral Garbage
So the few days after my previous post were as delightful as I though they'd be (uh huh). I learned a few things:
1)In a small town, a funeral is big entertainment. I met people that I've never seen before in my life, who seemed to come by the wake because they had nothing else to do.
2)Approximately 50% of Orion, IL is composed of my distant relatives--specifically the Seabloom family. My father was forced to feign recognition as a long string of aunt's-cousin's-children paraded through. I think that I could have married most of the "relatives" who stopped by. The funniest part was the way they were almost insulted when my father didn't recognize them.
3)My grandmother helped raise a family of boys when my father was in high school.
4)She also used to pull the neighbor kids' teeth.
5)Not all old people are bad--I was fortunate enough to meet Bernice, my dad's childhood neighbor, who is a freaking laugh riot at 83 years old. She came to the wake in a red boa.
6)My grandfather never finished high school because he had such severe social anxiety disorder that he could barely leave the house sometimes. He regretted it for the rest of his life, because he wasn't allowed to do the engineering jobs at the Arsenal, despite being more than qualified to do so.
7)Old people never look like themselves at a wake, because their skin goes loose after they die and the wrinkles fall out.
8)My father was named after his uncle Harold, who died at age 7 when my grandfather was 4 or 5 years old.
9)Bad people are easy to spot.
10)Burying people in the ground is super-creepy, but not as creepy as an open-casket wake. I kept imagining some motion out of the corner of my eye. Thank god my folks are getting cremated.
One other story of note: the church service was particularly awful. We had a little private chapel service (which is silly, since none of us is Lutheran) and then had to sit in the front row during the regular service. At the time, I felt like the chaplain was laying it on a little thick, and he seemed to be talking to *us* in particular. I thought that I was being paranoid, but then I found out that my mom had "let slip" that we weren't religious, and that my grandmother had attended church for purely social reasons (how you can let that slip, I don't know--but anyway). So I wasn't being paranoid after all. Anyway, it was pretty stressful, and the panic attack that I'd been pushing off all morning suddenly descended after the service. My sister is a fantastic human being--that's all I'll say.
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12:50 pm
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Three deep dark things
There are a few things that I'm not proud of in myself, but I've learned that I just have to accept. Many of them have been thrown in my face the past few days, so I thought that it might be theraputic (in a self-depricating kind of way) to enumerate them:
1. I hate funerals. This would seem pretty obvious--I mean, nobody likes funerals. Except maybe that lady from Harold and Maude who went to the funerals of people she didn't know carrying a brightly colored umbrella. But I think that's exactly what I hate so much about them. You stand around, feeling solom and sorry that the person is gone and saying sad things about them that may or may not be true. Funerals are self-important and serious and just FALSE. Besides--I just feel creepy burying someone in the GROUND. I would feel better if I could carry a brightly-colored umbrella. The worst is that you stand around tallking about the person--often trying to put them in the best light or even making the person up out of whole-cloth. Which brings me to...
2. I didn't like my grandmother. I don't really want to get into why. I started to, but then I erased it because I just felt worse. I will just say that she was a compulsive liar and nasty to those who least deserved it. Needless to say, I'm not glad that she's gone, but I don't feel particularly sad. I cried more when my ancient cat died. Which makes me feel like a horrible person. One last dig, I suppose. But I guess what I want to say is, that I don't really want to stand around and have other people reinvent her as a wonderful person--because that is what you *do* at funerals, and after all, she was nice to people who weren't her family.
3. I hate old people. This is the worst--it is something that I feel really badly about, and it is one of the things that make my sister a better person than me. Actually, it isn't that I hate old people, really. I just hate infirm old people--and dementia. I hate the way old people smell, and the way the talk around and around in circles, forgetting what they've already said. I hate smiling and nodding. I have many good friends that are old--but they are bicyclists and artists and math professors and eccentrics. They don't smell old, and they don't act mean. My grandmother only knew old people--she shunned anything and anyone new--so I will be surrounded by old people, all telling me how wonderful my grandmother was.
Anyway, these are the reasons I feel terrible right now. None of which have to do with the fact that my grandmother's gone. I'm mostly sad that I never got to know the 3 good, gentle grandparents I had, who died before I was able to remember them. I don't want to drive 6 hours each way to remember a woman who I didn't like, but I'm going because she was family and because my dad needs me there very badly. He needs me there to remind him that he is not his mother and that he is a good person, who did more than was required for a woman who wronged him so many times.
I just wish that I could bring a yellow umbrella and play taps on the kazoo
Current Mood:  empty
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09:23 am
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What I've learned in the past few days....
Mae Ione Langille 1930-2005
Ok.
Oh lord, please let someone remember me fondly when I'm gone.
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11:17 am
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Annealing Ising Models of a chicken. With a ferromagnet.
Why oh why did I get myself into a field that requires I read papers entitled "Optimization by Simulated Annealing," "Rational Group Decision Making: A Random Field Ising Model at T=0," and the ever-popular "Social Congnition in the Evolutionary Chicken Game."
Oh yeah, I'm a freakin' rockstar.
Anyway, between reading the above and beating off adoring fans, I've been trying to do some scanning of my parent's old negatives. So if you want to see what my parents looked like in the 70's, click on over. I'm sure that I'll give up soon and buy a pro account, so that I can put more of this stuff up there.
I'll be in Chicago this December, but for only 3 days or so. I have a big exam in early January, and I'm trading a semester of not worrying about it, for 2 weeks of concentrated studying. I'll be taking Amtrak down, so I'll have between 6 and 14 hours of study time each direction.
Speaking of studying, I need to get back. "Freezing in Random Graph Ferromagnets" awaits.
Current Mood: busy
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05:09 pm
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Count your blessings.
So I love MM very much and wouldn't trade him for anything, but living with a physicist is kind of odd sometimes. For instance, we went bowling last night, and the conversation gradually drifted out of my knowledge area until I was only understanding every fourth word or so (blah blah blah super blah blah blah particle blah blah blah string blah blah blah strange attractor...) At one point, Ross busted out his new physics joke: "Fermions are like girlfriends...you can only have one in every state!"
Yeah. I know.
But at least he and his friends aren't these guys.
Finally--definative proof that if the government is trying to brainwash you using radio waves, your tinfoil hat won't do shit. In fact, it might make it *easier* for big brother to read your thoughts. And yes, they did test different styles of hat. So don't bother.
Of course, it is a short leap from setting a cake on fire to making a homemade blowtorch to distruction of public property (no street signs were harmed in the taking of these pictures) to tinfoil hats. So maybe I've spoken too soon.
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04:58 pm
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flickr account
I have a new flickr account. When I'm back in the black, I'll get a pro account and put up my art photos. Until then, it has whatever I felt like putting up. There are pictures from halloween (spot me and win 10 points! No points for spotting MM), some of the oregon shots (more to follow), and pictures from Utah last spring. Oh yeah, and some shots of MM dressed up like white trash. Don't say you haven't been warned.
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08:27 am
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On the deliterious effects of bad dreams
I had awful terrible dreams last night about blood, rape, murder, and chess. I also dreamed that MM shaved off the front of his beard, leaving just the long pointy bits. Needless to say, I am unrested and scatter=brained today. Wwhich may be how I managed to lose my purse, despite having been in a total of two rooms today.
ARRRNNN
Current Mood: awful
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03:40 pm
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New review on Free Popcorn
I've posted my half of a review of Nosferatu on the new blog:
Nosferatu
Ross's review might be up later.
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02:03 pm
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Movies at the Michigan Theater
So Ross and I started a blog, reviewing the movies we see at the Michigan Theater. We got a membership this summer, and see pretty much everything that comes there. The blog is called Free Popcorn. We just posted a long post, which covers everything we've seen thus far. It should get more interesting when we can dedicate an entire post to each film. Enjoy!
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01:09 pm
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On various places conciderably west of ann arbor, and other things not so important
Long time, no update. So we will have to divide the Long-Ass Post(tm) into its component parts:
Work:
I went to an experimental economics conference in Arizona last month, which was not so great as a conference, but was a fantastic vacation/research experience. It was held at a resort in Tuscon, right at the base of the mountains. The view was fantastic, as were the facilities. These experimentalists know how to live! Unfortunately, I didn't get much out of the sessions, except for confusion. What is this all about? What are these folks trying to achieve? Hell if I know. As far as I could tell, it was all numbers, no synthesis (ok, so you find A B and C--now what does that mean? They also used too many undefined acronyms. I don't know what a PIHC is, and I shouldn't be expected to. Define it ONCE--that's really all I ask. But at least I got to watch a grown woman talking about forcing undergraduates to drink serilized cockroach water. That was pretty cool.
Anyway, I also didn't get too much out of the session I presented it. There were exactly 3 people in the room who were not presenting and we got exactly 0 questions and comments on our paper. But in the process of preparing the presentation, I clarified my thinking about the topic and in the end, I had a much better idea what we should be working towards.
In fact, mostly what I got out of the whole thing was an opportunity to be in the same place with my coauthor, B, and talk about research. We got to talk about where we saw this paper going, and what we ought to do next. Also, I just enjoyed seeing him again, since he was my best friend in college. We spent a lot of time sitting in the hot tub or pool, shooting the shit and soaking up dry desert air.
We also played hookie one day and went hiking in Sabino canyon. We hiked up a mountain--about 1000 feet of climb in 1-1/2 miles. The mountain was covered with Suaro cacti like most mountains are covered in pine trees. They were evenly spaced, undoubtedly because their root systems spread out like a fan 20 feet in all directions--the better to suck moisture from the soil. Overall, I saw more different species of cacti than I'd ever seen in one place (I've never been this far south in Arizona before). I also had an encounter with a Jumping Cholla--also known as Ninja Death Cactus. It attached itself to my shirt, and when I tried to pull it off, the thing sunk straight into my fingers! At first it was kind of cool--having a softball-sized cactus chunk stuck to my hand. But then I tried to pull it off, and found that I couldn't! I had to yank it out forcibly. When B tried to kick it off the trail, it sunk straight into the rubber on his boot! That's one tough fucking cactus.
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Oregon:
This last weekend, MM and I went to Oregon to visit his folks. We had a short break, and his parents paid for half of the tickets, so we went for it. I'd never been to Oregon, and it is absolutely beautiful. His folks live in Southern Oregon, just north of Ashland in the Rouge River Valley. They are surrounded by mountains, most of them volcanos. I was really excited by that, because I'd never seen a volcano before. (volcanos!) We hiked at Crater Lake--the deepest lake in the united states, formed when a volcano collapsed and filled with rain water (no water flows in or out, so it is extremely clear!)--saw a river go underground a disappear into a lava tube, and hiked up a vertical volcanic plug. We also took a trip down to california (they live only 60 miles from the bWeorder) and saw the redwoods! Big damn trees. On the same trip, I got to see the pacific ocean! (I'd never been to any of the west coast states). It was fantastic, and really relaxing, which was good. I felt much more focused by the time I got back. We also got to spend some time with MM's folks, which was really nice. It was hard to go back to Michigan.
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School:
When I got back, I had to deal with the consequences of my previous slacking. Today I had a paper due, and a midterm exam. Fortunately, I survived. On the whole, this semester has not been terribly stressful.
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House/Finances:
Sometime last week, I realized that I was really short this pay period (I get paid 4 months at a time). At first, I was really worried, because I didn't think that this had been an unusual time. But then I remembered that there were 2 plane tickets, and hotel, and paint, and furniture...and then I started to feel better. That, and I pushed many of my August expenses into September via my credit card bill. I'm just worried because I may have to carry a balance on a credit card for the first time in my life. sigh. Oh well.
Current Mood:  relieved
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04:56 pm
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On dates, bugs, and other people's babies
A funny little exchange:
MM got a letter from an old friend from the russian film school. She is a Georgian animator of considerable caliber, and MM doesn't get to talk to her as often as he'd like. He sent her some pictures of me. In some of them, I'm holding a baby, which he took great pains to explain was neither his nor mine. She sent a reply that said (caps are original):
I didn't know that you had SUCH NEWS. You say that it is not, but I know in my heart that IT IS YOUR BABY!!!! Will call soon for details.
I nearly fell over laughing when I saw the caps. She was very disappointed that it wasn't our baby. But since we've been dating for only 11 months, it would be a bit unusual for us to have a 4 month old baby.
In other news:
--Housewarming went well. At the peak, we had about 50 people in the apartment. My appetizers were a hit. There is not a thing on god's green earth tastier than dates wrapped in bacon. Unless it's dates stuffed with blue cheese, then wrapped in bacon. Thanks to D&B for cluing me in to the wonder of bacon-dates!
--MM and I saw Junebug yesterday, which pulled a few strings I didn't really want pulled. Fortunately, MM is a doll.
--I'm sick already. This, after I told myself that I would be good, get enough sleep, and keep myself well. The first two I have done, yet I'm still sick. I hate my immune system. When I teach, I'm going to tell my students that I will give them all the extensions they want if they just stay home when they're sick. Ugh.
Current Mood: nauseated
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01:36 pm
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grad school blues
Having one of my "what am I doing putting my life on hold" days. My research is going well, two out of three of my classes are interesting and worthwhile (read about the third below), and I have good prospects overall. But sometimes I wonder why I'm spending my youth living for the future. There is a particular inflexibility to academia. Once you start, you can't really stop, because you lose everything you've done so far. Everyone has to face that question: "should I put off my career to pursue my art/have a baby/join the peace corps", but in academia, you don't even have the option of "putting off". Once you're off, you're off. It's hard enough to get an academic job and get tenure, that anything that indicates that you aren't devoted to your career makes you an inviable candidate. And then there's the inflexibility in where you live. I *have* to live in Ann Arbor for the next 4 years, and after that I have to live in one of the 4 places where there is a job for me, and pretty much committ to living there in the long term. Youth is a time for experimenting, but I just don't have that option. Bleh.
Anyway, on a somewhat lighter note, the following is an exchange that actually happened in my intro complex systems class:
This conversation took place after a useless, drawn-out discussion involving the subjectivity of the term "system" and how the system is a function of the observer, and does a system that we can't observe still exist (I have a short, and scientifically uncontraversial answer--yes, it does). We had moved on to what I thought would be a more fruitful discussion of what a *complex* system was.
guy sitting next to me: Well, couldn't *anything* be a complex system? Like...
he looks around the room, searching for the perfect example
...like...a MAGAZINE!
me incredulously: Um...no.
gsntm: Well, why not?
me: Well, for a start, it doesn't have any component parts, and it isn't dynamic, and...
blowhard discussion leader: But, the current thinking in the evolution of language suggests the language does change in a...blah blah blah.
me increasingly frustrated: NO. It is a MAGAZINE. The words inside DON'T CHANGE. It just SITS there.
bdl: Well, but if you *throw a magazine in the woods*, it would *decay*
(I swear to god, he actually said this--as if it was the most astute obervation ever)
rest of the class: yeah, I mean then it would *disappear*...
me: Well then, how is that different from a ROCK sitting in the woods?
bdl: Well, it's just a difference in time scale, isn't it?
me:...
Later, in an attempt to actually move forward, we talked about what a *simple* sytem was. Someone brought up a swinging pendulum as a simple system.
public health dude: Well, but if you put a pendulum on a table, you wouldn't be able to predict exactly where it would be, because of all those air molecules...you know, running into it.
a long conversation ensues, in which people discuss how *everything* is a complex system, during which I zone out, in the hope that it would prevent my brain from attempting a forceble exit from my skull. But eventually, I couldn't let it go on any longer. So I implimented what I might call the "reality slapdown"
me: OK. Let's try this. On one hand, we have a pendulum. On the other, we have THE ECONOMY. I think that we can all agree that one is MORE COMPLEX than the other. There is a SPECTRUM of complexity. On one end, there is a pendulum. On the other is everything that we find interesting. Because, you know, this course is titled Intro to *Complex* Systems.
rest of class:stunned silence at this amazing piece of logic
I think that the problem is really the composition of the class. We are 16 people from 12 different departments, which means alot of miscommunication. Also, the mathematician and I are the most technical people in the class (except for the prof, who is a computer scientist, but usually stayed out of the discussion), which makes the discussion fly off the handle a little.
Fortunately, the second class was a bit better. Some of the problem may have been the blowhard discussion leader, who seemed more enamoured with hearing himself talk about relativism than leading the discussion. Also, the prof jumped in a bit more the second time around. Hopefully, it will continue to improve.
Either way, I'm glad I'm getting paid to take this class.
Current Mood:  grumpy
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11:00 pm
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on matresses, montana, krugman, and gasoline
"What happens on the mattress, stays on the mattress."
--MM, regarding my futon
Move in completed. Painting almost completed. Classes start on Tuesday. Strangely, that is also the day MM finds out whether or not he is teaching (#@$! physics department). I have a wedding to go to next weekend and potentially a funeral as well. Hopefully gas prices will go down by then.
A friend of MM's has the opportunity to work in Alaska or Montana. I have to admit that sounds really good right now. The idea of earning next to nothing while living in a place I love sounds really good from where I'm sitting.
On New Orleans, read this oped by Krugman
An aside about gasoline:
Last week, gas in Ann Arbor was at 2.60 a gallon. Three days ago, it was averaging 3.20 a gallon. Yesterday, I walked by a gas station with no prices posted, with signs on the pump reading "Please take no more than $30 of gas." I feel fortunate that usually my own gasoline use is minimal.
I'm not sure whether the release of crude from the SPR will do any good. The SPR contains crude oil, and one major bottleneck is the destruction of refineries and pipelines in the gulf--a situation that will not be helped by all the crude in the world.
I am of two minds about the fuel situation. On one hand, I have argued in the past that gas prices were too low, locking us into technology that overuses too-cheap fuel. And that furthermore, it would take a major supply shock to correct prices to the point where we could break out of our current technological path. Although it might be possible to correct our technological path to a more fuel efficent one through a slow, culturally/polictically motivated movement in prices, I found it terribly unlikely. So, in other words, I feel a certain amount of relief at the sight of a shock that might actually do the trick. On the other hand, it was at a tremendous cost in human life, and this is undoubtedly going to have a lasting effect on our economy, which will undoubtedly hit hardest those who can least afford it (airplane travelers and SUV owners aside). It would have been easier to do it politically, but I don't think that it would happen. Hopefully this will finally do the trick.
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04:33 pm
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Best. Site. Ever.
Oh my god. I need to go home and find my camera--right now.
Stuff on my cat
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